most pretentious baby names July 10, 2007
Over at Gawker, they are running a contest to IDENTIFY THE MOST PRETENTIOUS BABY NAMES IN EXISTENCE. Among the current top vote-getters are Luxman, Dodger, Amaranth, Arcadia, Clooney, Trench, Hegemony, Crimson, Lexston, Gingerly, Setanta, Søren, Pembroke, Lumiere, Dulcimer, Fayemus, Elgin.
In my family of uber-traditional baby namers (we all have names like Catherine and Elizabeth and James), our decision to name our baby son “Elliot” was considered a little out-there.
What qualifies as a pretentious baby name? Comment below.
Last names for first names annoy me to no end. I don’t care if it’s a family name, it still sounds bourgeois and pretentious to name your child Palmer, Cooper, Jackson, Fletcher, etc. No offense, but ick.
The sister of a friend is having a baby soon, and they are naming the kid after his father, who is named after his father, who is named after his father… you get the idea. Anyway, this new little baby is going to be “the fifth.” As far as I know, these people are not royalty — just pretentious.
Hegemony? Someone actually named a child Hegemony? Poor kid.
My boyfriend has his “heart” set on Ponce. Yup. And that’s one reason we’re not reproducing!
our friends down the street named their girl Talullah.
Ponce is slang for pimp in London. Nice!
OMG, I am giggling at Trench, Hegemony and Dulcimer. Those are beyond pretentious - they’re ridiculous.
I remember seeing this beautiful but very badly behaved little girl at a playground once and her name was Wimberly. I knew this because her mother hovered ineffectually in the background, saying things like “Wimberly, honey, don’t throw wood chips at the other kids, okay?” and “Wimberly, honey, shut up isn’t a nice thing to say, okay?”
And any kid named Elgin is destined to be made fun of, no doubt about it.
Chauncey?
The most spoiled, brattiest child I ever knew was named Afton. I always wondered if she was rebelling against that awful name.
pshaw! those names they have listed are not pretentious in the least — they’re merely HIDEOUS and in poor form.
my vote for the most pretentious name given to a child? all one has to do is look towards the families von hilton and von trump…who insist on giving their sons the name “baron.”
when i saw that, i just just shook my head in utter disgust and thought, “you gotta be fucking kidding me with this horseshit.” i suppose such jackasses must feel the need to bestow upon their children names that make them all feel better about their inferior genes.
=;o)
xoxo
muffy
I hate all made-up pseudo made up names that Americans insist on burdening their child with these invented names. Especially pseudo “African” names.
The most pretentious offensive name I’ve heard and I am not kidding about this naming!
Meconium
I’m with Muffy - most of those names don’t sound pretentious to me. To me, “pretentious” implies an attempt to exaggerate the value or social standing of something/someone. How the heck is a name like “Trench” or “Clooney” or “Gingerly” pretentious? And “Lumiere” sounds like something I’d buy at Home Depot.
What about the recent rash of Neveah (heaven spelled backwards). Not really pretentious, but weird.
Back when lived in Richmond, I used to go to the playground pretty frequently with David Lowery’s (Cracker/Camper van Beethoven) wife. I hate to speak ill of them, since they have to be the nicest, least pretentious rock star family ever (David’s hobby is ham radio, for pete’s sake), but…their kid’s name is…Suttree. Yikes. At least they didn’t name him Gene Harrogate, I guess.
one of the little leaguers out in Farragut has some Lord of the Rings fans for parents poor child is named Rohan
[...] Katie Allison Granju links to the: Pretentious baby names contest. [...]
My peave is common names spelled in the most prententious way.
There is a local news personality named Jennapher. Yee-uck!
Using the last name of any soap opera character as a child’s first is well nigh pretentious. Stone, Thorn, Forrester, Quartermaine, Brooke, etc.
I knew a woman, Mrs.Whaley, that named her son ‘Uno’ pronounced like “You know”. People would ask her son’s name and she would say ‘Uno’ and they would say ‘No, I don’t know’. This is a true story. She lived up in Grainger County. Who knows where Uno lives now?
Also, I know a woman named ‘Philander’ and yep her father’s name is Philip!
It’s funny how different names are popular in different places. Around here Rohan is pretty common. I don’t know about pretentious, but lately I’ve met a lot of kids named after trees–birch, aspen, oak etc… I’ve always thought the name Isabella was a bit pretentious. It is a pretty name, but it just doesn’t seem to match well with the kids who have it.
not pretentious but,
there is a girl…this is not LIE who works at safeway/vons by my house named:
labia
swear to g-d!!!!!!
i have never had the guts (big or little) to ask her about it…but she is thar!
[...] Pretentious baby names [...]
What’s supposed to be pretentious about Soren? It’s a perfectly ordinary Danish name.
Here’s a list of first names I got from gravestones in east TN:
Dausewell
Shecum
Lonzo
Rittie
Morletta
Parzida
Flem
Maudy
Inus
Lark
Serelda
Ozias
Ortha
Shyann
Hesler
Ohmer
Cardella
Pearside
Gussie
Pherbia
Lueliza
Othelia
Arzo
Ulus
Armelda
Clodie
Mertie
Hiter
Nerva
Edis
Mashack
Alvis
Luvernia
Jemima
On June 22 there was an article in the Wall Street Journal about the Baby Name Business. Parents hire marketing firms to design names for their children. Other parents mentioned in the article consult numerologists to divinate a name that will have positive associations. It was only a matter of time before someone capitalized on the baby name business beyond selling books. The craziest thing to me, is some of the names that were culled from the marketing firms were not very unusual and some just plain normal. I wouldn’t pay someone $500 to name my daughter “Ava” when she’ll be one of 5 in her class.
Not sure if the link will work but here it is:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118247444843644288-search.html?KEYWORDS=baby+names&COLLECTION=wsjie/6month
From my teaching gig I have learned to truly appreciate the naming of children and realize that what sounds perfectly wonderful to me might not to others. I actually have become very open-minded about unusual names when in the past I might have been judgmental. Besides, once you say a name enough it becomes normal.
One of my all time favorite teaching moments is me screaming “Admiral let go of Epiphany!” And I have taught three girls named Precious (and only one was even remotely so).
Great, after the news that “Ponce” is slang for “Pimp”, he is now more excited than ever. Thanks a lot!
No joke, I knew a girl whose name was pronounced
Sha-thay-ed unfortunately it was spelled “Shithead.”
True story.
My mom is a teacher and she taught a “Cathedral Rotunda” named after the place the dead president was resting in.
Crystal Shanda Lear. Really.
Two of the listed names, Amarantha and Arcadio, are variations of characters in Gabriel Garcia Marquez’ wonderful book, One Hundred Years of Solitude.
Personally, I’d much rather my parents have a sense of humor and name me Crystal Shanda Lear than parents who would hire a marketing firm to design a name for me! Although now that I am thinking about it, CSL does sound like a great drag queen name or a bit like a stripper..hmm….now I’m not so sure.
Dulcimer and Mandolyn (mandolin) are horrible names. These are instruments and akin to naming your child Banjo or Bongo. Why would anyone do this? Delmer, Viola, Eunice and Virgil are also unflattering but not pretentious. Preston and Victoria, although lovely names, seem a bit pretentious, I think.
I think the current trend of giving girls traditional male names is pretentious.
Anon
I agree with you it is pretentious to give a girl a boys name. I did it years ago and regret it. I do not know what I was thinking!
I still think it is a nicer girls name then boys, but is it still thought of as a boys name.
My daughter told me there is a yahoo e-mail groups for “girls with boy’s names”.
I named my baby, Lake, but I don’t think it’s that bad. At least her middle name is Marie, which balances it out, maybe?
I wouldn’t consider “Lake” to be specifically a boy’s name. It’s a last name - so to me it sounds unisex. (I don’t mean you necessarily picked it because it was a family name - I just mean it *is* a last name.)
I knew I had heard the “Shithead” rumor before, so I went to Snopes.com to check it out. There is a very interesting article there on unusual names that people have been rumored (usually falsely) to have used over the years, and the implications of these stories. Go to http://www.snopes.com and search orange jello to get the article.
It’s not pretentious, but I have relatives named Flem, Nola, and Waynette. I’ve also taken a check from D’Artagnan, met a newborn named Michael Aramis, and seen a birth announcement for Araea Sunshyne-(something I can’t remember). And within two years, three friends had girls named Caitlyn, Cadence, and Caisley.
Gingerly Dulcimer Hegemony…
A good subject line for a spam email, or a stupid designer baby name? Find out here. See also: - We Call Do-overs! Baby Name Do-overs! - We Picked a Baby Name: Fifi Trixiebelle - Baby Names You Can’t Use with the Last Name Jones - Best Thing You’ll E…
Aircraft creator Bill Lear’s daughter does not, to my knowledge use her first name, but goes by Shanda. She has not yet accomplished as much as Texas governor Hogg’s daughter Ima, who was a noted patron of the arts.
i have 3 daughters with the best names in the world that i made up….theres:
zsaleialana (zsha-lay-alana)
zsianina (zsheeya-nina)
zsaliciani (zsha-lee-see-on-ee)
My child’s name is Rohan. Its not because I’m a huge Lord of the Rings fan, its a Sanskrit indian name which means ‘Acending’ as in acending to heaven.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but its one of the most popular names for this generation of indian boys in the USA. Its the madison and chase of my generation… too bad.
My wife’s a teacher - she’s a got a pretentious kid as a pupil whose got a pretentious name …
“Summer Rose”…..
I do know someone whose name is Shithead (pronounced shi-thead). As a teacher, I think one should reconsider crazy or pretentious names. I have students with names like Quantanique, Quantavious, Odonus (God of love), and Xaveona. I HATE these names and think that no child deserves such a name: Serendipity, Colton, Peyton, Madison, Adison, Adeline, Kalyn (or any form of Kay combined with Lyn), and any name that is a normal name with Lyn attached, ie. Grantlyn. Also, just because a word exists does not make it worthy of being the name of your child, ie. Crew.
Names are indicative of class structure. No upper socio-economic WASP parent would ever name their kids some of these names that lower-class parents think are “lofty”-sounding. Emily or Joseph,upper class or upper-middle. Riley or Peyton are lower-middle. And the pseudo-Afrocentric and blended names such as Sheniqua or Major are low-low. the parents have no clue of the meaning or origin of these names
Did anyone ever stop to consider the person who will own that silly name for the rest of there lives. People who still think they are cool are giving there kids stupid names just to please themselves and there friends.
You all seem a little pretentious yourself criticizing names. What’s in a name? Really. A name is important but still, it’s quite hard to judge someone from their name. To be quite honest, I feel like you are judging names based on where they come from. Who ever said French people are classy? When you are all calling names pretentious you seem like you are just stereotyping.
That’s disgusting. Søren pretentious? It’s a popular and common name here in Denmark. Whoever had the audacity to include it on that list is a horrible person.