katie allison granju

breastfeeding prevents cancer October 31, 2007

The most comprehensive research to date makes it clearer than ever before: BREASTFEEDING TRULY PREVENTS CANCER.

Why this is so controversial is unclear to me. Obviously, there are risk-benefit analyses for individual women where the risk of breastfeeding indisputably outweighs the risks of artificial feeding. And some women - very few — are truly unable to breastfeed. That’s very clearly the case.

However, it is also quite clear that decreased breastfeeding rates over the past century have corresponded with soaring breast cancer rates. This link seemed anecdotally intriguing, but now peer reviewed medical research lays out: women who do not breastfeed are at notably, remarkably higher risk for breast cancer.

We all have to balance risks and benefits in our daily lives. I choose not to smoke. I choose to breastfeed.

On the other hand, my diet (especailly since C was born and I am so slammed) is not ideal, I drink alcohol regularly, and even at my best weight, I could stand to lose 15 lbs. These are documented breast cancer risks. I am willing to admit this.

Why is breastfeeding a more emotionally sensitive risk factor than weight? I know I need to weigh 120 lbs instead of 130. I freely admit this. It would lower my risk of breast cancer. Why do women who choose to formula feed instead of breastfeed not similarly admit they are raising their risk for breast cancer?

i’ve fallen down the bureaucratic rabbit hole

I have fallen down the bureaucratic rabbit hole.

My son, H. started public school this year for the first time. He has been attending Knox County High School X since August. His father and I are divorced. We share legal custody, and he lives with me about 65% of the time and with his father about 35% of the time. I am zoned for Knox County High School Y, while his father is zoned for High School X.

About six or seven weeks ago, H’s High School X guidance counselor called me to say that they needed evidence H. lives in their zone (where H’s dad lives), and that since we are divorced, it needed to be a copy of our legal custody agreement. I explained that H. lives with his father about 35% of the time, and that when I had called the school board this summer to ask about zoning, the person with whom I spoke said that this was sufficient to qualify H. for High School X zone residency. The guidance counselor said she could not quantify for me what amount of time would allow H. to continue to attend school, but that they had to have a copy of the custody agreement.

I called the head of zoning for Knox County schools, Mr. Smith*, to clarify. He would not give me an amount of time H. had to live with his father - he didn’t seem to even know the answer to this specific question - but said that if I - who do not live in the zone - am listed as the “primary residential parent,” H. cannot attend the school even if he lives with his father much of the time. He said that H’s father would have to be listed as the “PRP” in order for H. to continue attending the school. I told him it would take some time to get that changed, and he said that was fine, as long as we were working on it.

So H’s father and I began hammering out an entirely new custody agreement, which obviously takes time. It involves three kids, two adults, child support, etc. In the interim, I had my attorney send both the school and Mr. Smith* a letter explaining we were in the process of collaboratively changing the legal agreement to meet the school’s requirement, but that it would not be in H’s best interest to have his schooling disrupted during the several weeks it would take to get this accomplished. My attorney asked that the school contact him with any questions.

Yesterday morning I got a call at my office from the school saying I had until 4pm that day to show them evidence that we have filed legal papers to modify the custody agreement, or H. would be unable to attend school tomorrow. I called H’s dad, who called Mr. Smith*. H’s dad explained we are within days of filing, and questioned why they gave us only 7 working hours to take care of this when they got the letter from my lawyer several weeks ago. If the letter wasn’t sufficient, or if they intended to put a strict time limit on the matter, we should have been notified with more than seven hours’ notice. Mr. Smith* wouldn’t budge, but said if we could show him evidence that the paperwork had been filed with the court by the end of the day, Henry could return to school - maybe the next day.

So H’s dad and I are scrambling to get the agreement finished so we can sign. I called the judge’s clerk to find out the filing requirements (notarized, by 4pm, with both parents’ signatures). I explained I would need a receipt or documentation of some kind that we had filed to show Mr. Smith* I explained why. The clerk told me they do not give ANY sort of paperwork or documentation proving you have filed, and that the plan isn’t stamped “filed” until Judge Brown* signs it -probably in three to four weeks.

I called Mr. Smith* back and explained this. He told me I am flatly mistaken, and insinuated I was trying to pull some sort of fast one to get around zoning requirements. I told him that Ms. Jones* in Judge Brown’s* office had assured me that no such filing documentation existed. He told me I was wrong, she is wrong, and that “Judge Bill Brown is my friend.” He suggested that I have Judge Brown* call him. I explained that not only was that unlikely to happen, but that Judge Brown* is out of town this week,. He told me that this proved I didn’t know what I am talking about, because Judge Brown* is not out of town (he is). I asked him if he would be willing to talk to Ms. Jones* in Judge Brown’s* office. He said she could call him.

So I called Ms. Jones* back in Judge Brown’s* office and explained the situation. I asked her if she would take 5 minutes to call Mr. Smith* and explain that no paperwork such as he was requesting exists. She refused, saying “I don’t give legal advice.” I tried to explain that I was not asking for legal advice, but for her help in conveying a procedural matter to Mr. Smith*. She refused.

So he won’t call her and she won’t call him. He is requesting documentation that apparently does not exist. The school system gave us seven hours to take care of this highly technical legal matter. They heard from my attorney weeks ago; if his letter wasn’t sufficient, why did they give us one working day to fix it instead of letting me know right away?

I called the school principal and explained that it would be highly disruptive to my son, whose father DOES live in the zone, to be denied schooling while we get this straightened out. She basically said tough luck, and that he should not come to school in the morning.

Then, just before 3:00 p.m., my son called, very upset and confused, saying he had been pulled from class and told he was “transferring to High School Y.” He was told he needed to go tell all of his teachers he was “withdrawing.”

Needless to say, I was extremely frustrated. I consider this a highly inappropriate way to approach such a sensitive matter with a student, not to mention the fact that we were told we had until the end of the business day to remedy the legal technicalities.

Thankfully, we have an excellent school board representative in INDYA KINCANNON. I called and e-mailed her in the afternoon and she immediately began researching the issue and trying to get it straightened out for us.

But for today, my son H. is sitting at home, reading, while we try to get this all sorted out.

I am irritated. This sort of impersonal treatment was one of my biggest fears in transferring H to public school this year. Happily, he has been loving the school, his classes and teachers, so this was a big disappointment.

*Name changed. E-mail me if you are a Knox County parent and want the actual players’ names.

autism scares the hell out of me October 30, 2007

There are a lot of scary things about parenting, and one of the most scary is worrying that your little child will fail to develop like the other kids.

With autism rates soaring, and the disorder in the news so much, I am rather paranoid about it, I’ll admit. I watch my three month old daughter, C. for the slightest hint of developmental abnormalities; the fact that she finally began regularly smiling and cooing at us about ten days ago made me wildly happy. I was worried she wasn’t going to. Now I am worried that she doesn’t hold her giant, wobbly baby head up as well as her four-weeks-younger cousin.

GIven parents’ worries about developmental delays, I think this new, more aggressive APPROACH TO RECOGNIZING POSSIBLE SIGNS OF AUTISM in even the youngest babies to be a really great idea. Check out the included videos to help spot autistic behaviors; they are really enlightening.

YES!!! October 29, 2007

Most EXCELLENT NEWS.

a lovely weekend

I got my parenting do-over this weekend.

I took all 4 children, plus J’s friend S. -who is sort of like an extra kid of mine- down to Bell Buckle for Saturday and Sunday. Jon stayed behind to care for our gravely injured cat (he had his throat slashed open in a cat fight).

The children were all really well behaved and fun, and they had an excellent time playing with all their cousins. They each also visited with my grandmother; E. even presented his recent speech from school on Robert E. Lee for her, which she enjoyed a lot.

On Saturday night, there was a town-wide Halloween carnival downtown, and the kids all walked down there in their cistumes and played games, did karaoke, and ate candy. Well, except H. - he isn’t doing a costume this year. I think he and his friends did wander by the event, though.

C. has suddenly become this very outgoing, grinning, smiley, chortling baby, so she charmed everyone with her gooey baby giggles all weekend. I was concerned that she wouldn’t sleep at all, as she seems to be a real creature of habit when it comes to her bath-and-bedtime routine, but I brought her SNUGGLENEST (could baby products’ names be any stupider?) with me, and she slept great. She loves that thing.

On Sunday we caught up with family and friends at the BELL BUCKLE PARK for what would have been my COUSIN WARD’S fifth birthday. His mama, Julie, had planned a really beautiful celebration, with cookies and a balloon release. The weather was gorgeous. I can’t believe this is the third birthday without him

We got back pretty late last night. Generally I would get the children home much earlier on the night before a school day, but we wanted to be there for the memorial service, which was late in the day, so I made an exception.

When we got home, Jon had the jack o’ lanterns lit on the front porch, and a fire burning in the fireplace. Good stuff to come home to.

I was really, really tired after driving four hours in the dark with a car full of children, so Jon was sweet enough to handle overnight duties with baby C. last night. She actually did pretty well; after sleeping all the way back from Bell Buckle, she was asleep again by midnight and slept until 4am. Jon got up with her at 4am and has been up ever since. Today is also one of his days to take her to work with him, so I know he’s going to be exhausted.

But anyway, it was a really lovely weekend.

the daring book for girls! October 26, 2007

Congrats to my friends Andi and Miriam on the release this week of their new book, THE DARING BOOK FOR GIRLS. Very exciting stuff.

i need a do-over

We have this thing in our family where if a day or evening hasn’t been going well — if one or more of us has been fussy or cranky or generally unpleasant - we can call for a “do-over,” where we just start over with a clean slate and forget the previous unpleasantness.

It’s a great option when things have headed off down the wrong path with a fussy child, or when things have been said that one wishes could be taken back.

Well this week, I have realized I need a parenting do-over…for the whole week. I have been way too cranky and snappish with the children. I have reacted to even the slightest negativity on their parts with my own double dose of negativity, thus setting a very bad example for how to handle frustrations and irritations. I’ve hollered too much and listened too little.

This weekend I am going to actively practice patience, calm, and gentleness in my mothering, because I have failed at these important qualities rather abjectly this week.

read this book

I’ve been lucky enough to have my essays included in several terrific anthologies in the past few years, but I have to say yet again how excited I am that my work is included in THIS BRAND NEW ONE.

I’ve been reading the other essays in the book in the past few days, and I am really impressed with the breadth of reproductive experiences the book’s editors have managed to assemble. In particular, the essay by a woman who was railroaded into giving her baby up for adoption when she was a teenager has been on my mind a lot.

I really encourage you to buy and read this book. It’s a literary look at a very earthy and important topic, and I guarantee you that while you are bound to disagree with at least one or two of the essayists’ personal decisions, you will come away with new respect for the importance of choice.

baby’s first pint October 25, 2007

Check out THE VOL ABROAD’S CUTE PHOTO of her baby’s first trip to the neighborhood pub.

That child has most excellent parentage, with the Brit thing going, and the Tennessee overtones.

Here in Knoxville, C. went out with us to our favorite pub last week (instead of going to that Guster show without her) and she slept through the entire experience. Somewhere, photos exist (Beci?? Kimmi?? I know people were shooting photos that night…)

morning rush

Until my maternity leave started on July 28, I worked 9am until 6pm, Monday through Friday. This wasn’t a very family-friendly schedule. I missed most of my kids’ afternoon lessons and activities. I had to rely on a lot of aftercare from grandparents and paid caregivers, and the children and I often didn’t get home until 7:30 pm or later. Also, with my old schedule, after dropping the kids off at school each morning, I generally got to work at about 8:15-8:30 am every day anyway, so I was wasting some time that really belonged to me, not my employer.

Now I have a new schedule: 7am until 4pm. This is a MUCH better schedule in all kinds of ways, but it is harder on Jon. I leave for work at 6:55 am (my office is 1/2 mile down the street), and Jon is then left behind at home with all 4 children until 7:30 am when my mother’s helper, Suzanne picks the three older kids up to take them to school.

So for 30 minutes each morning, Jon is left caring for baby, who generally wants to be held and given a bottle at that time if I am not there to nurse her, plus the other kids.

J. is very good about getting herself ready and being totally ready to go when Suzanne arrives. But the boys, uhhhh…not so much. You have to stay on both of them to keep moving, get dressed, get backpacks ready and be ready to go when Suzanne pulls up.

And of course, Jon also has to get himself and all of baby C’s gear (frozen breastmilk, bottles, diapers, changes of clothes, carseat, etc) out the door in time to be at hiw work on time. This morning, that involves driving her over to his mother’s, dropping her off, and then commuting the 30 minutes to his office.

Despite how hectic this sounds, most mornings so far since I went back to work it’s gone pretty well. This morning, however, E. was whining and insisting that he was too sick to go to school (he has a cold), and still wasn’t dressed by the time I left. The baby was fussing when I left, and poor Jon clearly wasn’t completely ready himself.

I felt terrible walking out the door, leaving him with all the chaos to handle on his own.

He’s a keeper.

tanya tucker - theologist October 24, 2007

Tanya opines that the California wildfires PORTEND THE RAPTURE. She says:

“It looks like Armageddon. It concerns me about what it says in the Bible about earthquakes and fires in the last days. If you believe the Bible, those things are starting to happen, and more frequently. Maybe we should just get ready to go.”

Personally, I will find it pretty darn funny if Delta Dawn ends up having accurately predicted the End Times. It will be proof that God has a sense of humor.

yay for sleepage!

Oh C., how I love you this morning!

Last night she slept from 9:30 pm until 1:30 am. Then she was up for about 75 minutes to eat and re-settle, and then she slept again until 6:30 am or so (and I think her sister actually woke her up, by kissing her repeatedly on the face while she was trying to snooze).

Getting that much uninterrupted sleep is magically delicious.

All of us - including the older kids - find ourselves going to bed quite a bit earlier now that it’s getting dark earlier, and we are getting up so much earlier with our new school/work schedule. I am trying to go to bed by 10pm each night, whereas before C. was born, I generally hit the sack between 11pm and midnight. E. is asleep by 9pm each night, and J. gets herself to bed not long after. She’s the best of the kids about knowing when she needs to sleep and just going off to bed with no drama.

baby c. at 12 weeks October 23, 2007

absence

My three older children have been gone to their dad’s for five days, and today he asked if they could stay one more night. I said yes, so they will have been gone six days when they get home.

Since their father and I established separate households about five years ago, the kids have kept the same basic schedule between the two houses, with them spending slightly more time at my house. We are currently working toward a new schedule in which they will spend longer stretches in each house, so as to avoid as much back and forth and to equalize the time spent with each parent. That means that they will regularly be gone from me for one week at a time.

When my ex husband and I first separated, and the kids began dividing their time between the two houses, I wondered if eventually I would miss them less. I hoped so because at first, the pain of their absence was so acute that I felt like a limb was missing the entire time they were away.

Now, five years later, I can say that the pain is less acute, and more of a dull ache. I know they are happy to be with their father - and I am happy for them to be with him. I know it’s important for them to spend time with both parents, and yes, sometimes it’s nice to get a break. But I still find myself wandering in and out of their empty rooms while they are gone. I pat their bedspreads and feed their pet rats and fold their clothes. I wonder whether I should call them at their Dad’s, or whether that would just upset their routine there. I think about them as I fall asleep at night and when I’m having fun, I wonder if they are having fun, too.

It’s hard, being away from your children.

martini for PPD

Read my friend Adrienne Martini’s most excellent essay on deciding to have a second child after her exceptionally NASTY BOUT WITH POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION the first time around.