katie allison granju
I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.
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“Sometimes she tells me that “other moms” are more hands-on with this issue or that one,”
Listen to J and offer help. Be her consultant! She is telling you she needs more guidance from you, that she cannot handle the situation on her own. There is nothing wrong with appropriate input from you with ideas on how to handle an adult in a situation that is giving her a hard time.
Well, the difficult pony, I have done the same as you did offer encouragement and a vote of confidence, pointing out her ability to handle a hard pony and a difficult trainer.
BTDT!
What Dewi said! J. is seeking your counsel. You do not have to solve the problem for her. But you can try to help her develop her own set of tools and strategies for handling tough and new-to-her situations. Ask her what’s she’s tried. Ask if what she’s considered trying. If she’s drawing a blank and you have ideas, suggest a few. Also, validate what she says. Share an anecdote about someone who bothered you in a similar way.
I’m concerned that your observations of over-parenting, which are on point, have pushed your thinking too far in the other direction.
I agree with the comments above.This is a very difficult age for girls.She seems to need you more than you realize.
spent the day together at the show. She did great yesterday and was indeed very pleased with her ability to handle the issues until I got there.
I agree kids this age need a lot of hands-on parenting. I’m sure I mess up sometimes (I know I do!), but in this case, I seem to have given her the right mix of hand holding and encouragement to take care of her own stuff.
My kids are much younger (my oldest has just turned 8 this month) but I am drinking all your words! I agree with Katie’s stand on over-parenting but, as a previous commenter has written, am afraid to fall on the other side.
That’s why I’m always reading blogs - to check out my own balance in dealing with my children and making sure they are normal, happy, functional human beings. This sure is the toughest (and most rewarding) job in the world!!!!
Marta from Lisbon
I’m a high school teacher and I think you did the right thing. Parenting the child, not managing her situation. She knows she can count on you for comfort and advice, and you gave her confidence to manage her situation.
You wouldn’t believe the number of parents who call teachers and administrators to change a grade, accept late work, believe the lie, alter the rules, and/or lighten up on their kid. And you can spot those kids a mile away. The kids who have the confidence by high school to accept responsibility, do the work, tell the truth and follow the rules are the ones who ultimately excel that thrive. IMO
Stepping off my soapbox now.
It sounds like you did the right thing to me, too, Katie. I approve.