shoeless July 2, 2008
I have always wanted to make the rule that no shoes are to be worn in my house. I’ve tired off and on - with limited success - to insist that the children follow this rule. But I’ve always felt very uncomfortable suggesting that adults remove their shoes before coming in.
Do any of you have this rule? Why? How do you make it work? How does it work in practice?
I think bare feet are the nastiest thing ever and would much prefer that people wear their shoes in my house but they always take them off anyway. I guess you never get what you want.
I feel more comfortable wearing shoes (I carry my floor with me!), so it’s hard for me to make others do what I wouldn’t do.
I hate shoes in the house. My kids, without fail, take off their shoes as they walk in the door. Their friends also know to remove shoes at our house.
We live in a 1923 house and we know that the soil all around it is contaminated with lead from previous coats of paint. I will often mention that to guests to explain — “would you please take off your shoes to help us keep the lead out of the house?” But my MIL, who has been visiting me in various shoe-free houses for many years now, just doesn’t do it. I don’t get it — I’m asking her to help me protect her grandchildren from a known neurotoxin — but I also can’t really tell another adult what to do.
No shoes is the rule in our house. Our family knows this and some respect it and some do not. I don’t hassle those who don’t though I don’t understand why they don’t respect our wishes in our house, but whatever…
When we bought our old house, they had a sign at the front door to that effect. We pried it off seconds after closing. I think it is rude to ask that of adult non-fam guests. But . . . there are two things you can do short of that. When you are expecting company, put a pair of shoes right on the inside of the front door. Most people will just take the hint. Or go to Target and buy about 5 pairs of slippers in adult sizes and put them in a basket by the door as “inside shoes.”
Sounds like too much trouble every time you go out and come back in. Ditto on what Jon said.
You know they say some 80% or so of all the dust from your house is brought in from the outside…our house most people take off their shoes and those that don’t don’t life is to short. But they 8 out of 10 times the folks do take off their shoes; means that much less of dirt for me to clean up right?
I think asking a guest to remove their shoes is the craziest thing I could imagine. I’ve experienced it and I’ve seen in on SATC but it still baffles me. To me, it would be like saying “we’re a pants-free household”. It would make me uncomfortable, and then I wouldn’t come back. It’s an article of clothing and at least for women, part of what they carefully chose to wear to your house. I am just imagining someone in a dress and cute heels and then what they’d look like walking around your house barefooted, trying to look normal!
Now your kids are a different story.
Catherine - I always think of that SATC episode, too
I think I am going to really pushed for a modified version: no shoes for kids. No shoes for me. No shoes for adults I know well who don’t mind and I wouldn’t be embarrassed to suggest it to…
Catherine - I always think of that SATC episode, too
I think I am going to really push for a modified version: no shoes for kids. No shoes for me. No shoes for adults I know well who don’t mind and I wouldn’t be embarrassed to suggest it to…
I live in filthy disgusting dirty NYC so it is very common for people not to wear shoes indoors.
I do not ask guests to remove shoes, but people walk in and automatically take off their shoes off when they see clean floors or vacuumed rugs.
With a baby crawling on the floor it is yucky for jon to wear shoes! Sorry Jon.
We have clients who tell me they want the doula to know they have no shoe policy in their house. So a lot of my doulas like to wear clogs so they can slip shoes on and off easily.
Your family could have a set of indoor shoes that never leave the house, but if they tend to go in and out a lot, it’s probably not very practical. In my opinion it’s not appropriate to ask guests to remove shoes.
For five years I lived in an apartment with new cream-colored carpet. I took off my shoes when I came in so I could keep it clean and keep my deposit. When we bought a historic old house, I was in the habit of taking off my shoes. We don’t have a rule, but our son always did what he saw me do. He picked a hallway shelf to store his shoes, and has his friends do the same. For his big birthday parties, he put out a laundry basket to be piled with shoes.
We don’t have a no-shoe policy, but we end up needing to clean the carpets a lot. I automatically take my shoes off the moment I walk in. I just like to be barefoot.
You must keep your floors really, really clean if you like to walk on them barefoot. We have all hardwood–no rugs at all–and our kids go barefooted by choice. Their feet are so filthy by the end of the day! With five kids running in and out all day long there is always going to be mud/dirt on the floor, not to mention food crumbs. I can’t stand grit on my feet so I wear my shoes or slippers inside at all times. We have Korean friends with a no shoes rule but that’s a cultural thing so I am okay with it. We have other friends who always take off their own shoes but they don’t tell guests they have to–it’s an option if you choose. On a nice wall-to-wall carpet I don’t mind going barefooted so I usually comply. As for leaving slippers by the door–wearing shoes God knows who had on their feet last–now that is REALLY gross!
I don;t get why it is rude to ask someone to take off there dirty shoes?! CJ has it right about the lead. My 3 year old rarely has to be asked to take his shoes off before entering the house. Thus we also know where his shoes are when we are heading out, not seatching etc. Now that we have a crawler its even more important for guests to take off there shoes, because she uses her hands to crawl and then sucks on them. We have an old house too and so lead is an issue but also think of all the places you shoes go inside of, public restrooms with pee on the floor, outside where dogs poop etc. I don’t see it as any different from washing your hands before you eat or after going potty.
I think we can gain a lot by looking at other cultures such as Koreans who take off there shoes. I think you will find there reasons very appropriate, i.e. cleanliness. Your floors stay so much cleaner when you don’t wear street shoes inside. I have hardwood floors and my kids feet I rarely dirty. I do not let anyone walk around with food.
I have one friend who has this policy which I respect when I am at her house but honestly I don’t like taking my shoes off and walking around someone else’s house really. I guess it feels the same as sleeping in someone else’s used sheets. I mean they aren’t any less clean than the blanket but it just seems not right.
I like wearing my birkenstocks (ha! you’ll never see me in a pair of slingbacks unless I’m getting paid to wear them:).) around my own house when I am going up and down to the basement, etc.
I would feel uncomfortable asking an adult to remove her shoes. I wouldn’t want my guest to feel embarassed about revealing dirty toenails/soles, torn hosery/socks, fungus condition, or whatever else might be hiding in shoe.
We are a no shoes house. We have taken a lot of influence from Japanese culture (where the tatami mat grass floors will be damaged if you wear your shoes) and have a sign posted on the front door. My oldest daughter wrote the sign so it’s cute and helps break some of the tension. On occasion when we host parties where guests come in the front door and then out the back, we have suspended the rule so I do make exceptions. But I always ask when entering someone else’s home, “are shoes okay?” I think it is more common where we live to not wear shoes in the home. Even when in someone else’s home now I feel uncomfortable wearing shoes, the same as I would wearing my shoes in bed. I keep a pretty clean house and wash my floors obsessively so I chalk it up to some OCD behavior. I do have a sense of humor about it though.
I also provide little socks or slippers to my guests and offer a comfortable place to take off shoes, store them and put them on again (bench, shoe horn, rack). And if I am hosting a party, I will let my guests know in advance that we a no shoes house and to wear easily removed shoes etc.
And also I am concerned because we live in a high lead area and my children have had some lead poison issues so while not a tyrant about it, I do make the suggestion to guest.
Unfit, you are wise to make your guests so comfortable.
Hardly anyone I know has the no-shoes custom. If I know before I’m going to someone’s house, it’s not a problem for me. The people I know who do this have had scrupulously clean floors every time I’ve been there. However, you don’t know what kind of yuck might be on someone’s floors. You’ve said yourself you have a dog that pees on your floor sometimes.
For people who are concerned that their rugs and hardwood floors would be damaged by other people’s shoes–using your good things and taking the chance they could be ruined by your friends is part of life, and there’s a limit to what’s polite to ask your guests to do. Are you going to serve drinks in sippy cups so your guests don’t spill on your precious rug? If your stuff is too good for you and your friends to enjoy, what good is it? Plenty of people with beautiful rugs and flooring don’t insist on this.
Isn’t it interesting what a wide variety of opinions there are on this one?
And another thing…
To anonymous and others who find it distasteful to ask for shoe-less feet of their guest: my house, my rules. I do ask nicely =;?} - thanks Debra. Its cultural. The west coast is tipping with the influence of the east.
With apologies to KAG for a defense missive on her blog.
The musicians who stayed at my condo for 2 days did remove their shoes upon entering (It was funny seeing pointy toed boots and gold stillettos in my foyer.) But, they also smoked a lot of pot and cigarettes in my condo (w/o my permission or knowledge - until it was too late) and burned a hole in my couch. They may have just as well kept their shoes on.
There is nothing wrong with asking adults to remove their shoes. Nobody has ever been bothered about it when I have asked them to.
Adults shoes can get just as dirty as childrens’ shoes.
I have an whole blog on this subject. You might want to take a look.
I wonder why Montessori schools don;t allow street shoes in the classroom.
Cricket: Both my children have attended Montessori schools (one private, one public) and the kids wear street shoes in the classroom. They don’t *have* to, but nobody requires them to remove their shoes.
Oh, the Montessori my son attended did not allow street shoes but not all Montessori’s are the same. Parents had to take ther shoes off when entering and children had to change into slippers. Just curious what the reasoning was/is.
Cricket: My guess would be that it’s to promote quiet in the classroom, but I don’t know for sure.
I had never heard of a Montessori school asking people to remove shoes, so I seriously doubt it’s some core principle of Maria Montessori.
My kids’ schools do ban shoes that are considered distracting or unsafe, like wheelies or shoes that light up. But regular sneakers, sandals, Crocs - stuff like that is OK.
Sorry for another post but I found this on a website and i think it pertinent to the discussion as not wearing shoes is a cleanliness thing:
“The main point behind wearing “Montessori shoes” is to keep the classroom setting quiet and clean so that the children’s minds are focused entirely on their studies and maintaining proper social conduct. A strong core tenet of Montessori is that the students must be kept free from distractions as much as is humanly possible. “
http://www.thecoastalsource.com/news/health/21777834.html
Just read this link to a University of Arizona study (I live here in Tucson) and you’ll never let people wear shoes in your again - just have a nice basket for them to put them in. Bare feet have no where near the number of germs!
Piping in late to say:
we take off our shoes and I mention this when we have guests but don’t insist they follow suit.
We do it because of the barn and horses - our mud room/laundry room which goes out back has all the muck boots and riding boots on racks, and we all have “street” shoes by the front door.
It’s much less mess on the hardwoods, but until I can figure out how to get 5 cats and 2 Corgis to clean their feet before coming in, I still have to vacuum a lot.
I am completely fine with someone asking me to take my shoes off at their home.
For the past few years I have had problems with my feet. I wear running sneakers all the time, and if I don’t wear shoes for a couple hours I start to get in serious pain. When I go to other people’s houses I always worry about whether they allow shoes. I don’t want to disrespect their rules, but on the other hand I will be in serious pain, that will sometimes takes weeks to heal from, if I don’t wear my shoes in their house.
My mother has had lots of operations (knees replaced, back surgery, hip replacement, etc.) and she is seriously uncomfortable and unstable if she doesn’t wear shoes. So she feels really bad when she goes to someone’s house and they ask her to take her shoes off and she has to ask if it’s okay for her to keep her shoes on.
I just wanted to mention both cases because it can be very uncomfortable to be in the situation where someone asks you to take off your shoes if you need to wear them for a medical reason.
At our Montessori school, the kids took their shoes off on entering the building, but were not required to put them on when leaving! (For a short time.) So the kids were running in and out of buildings and between buildings in stocking feet, on grass, soil, concrete, and even blacktop. So no telling what really came into the classrooms or our house after school. (I quit buying light-colored socks.)
CC my dad has the same problem and when he comes to visit he wheres his shoes inside and it sno big deal. I think overall like most things we just all need to be understanding and all “rules” at times need/are broken. Big deal. I never insist someone takes of there shoes but most of my friends observe that we are a shoeless house so they take off there shoes.
Our main floor is wood and swept daily. We have no such rule, but many of our guests expect that we do, especially when they see that I am not wearing shoes when I answer the door.
This happened just yesterday at our July 4 gathering. The last two guests to arrive were colleagues of my husband, husbands and fathers but without their families for the occasion. They asked if they should remove their shoes, and I said it was up to them — however they were comfortable. First one (a Korean citizen who has lived here for 10+ years) and then the other (a Russian from Kazakhstan, visiting for a short time) removed their shoes. They went through the house to find that all of the other men had gathered on the back deck. They retrieved their shoes, put them on, and went out. When dinner was served back indoors, perhaps ten minutes later, they removed their shoes once again, this time leaving them on the deck. During dessert, when the rain started, I moved their shoes inside the door as I cleared other things from the yard and deck. When it was time for them to leave, they both went to the back door, retrieved their shoes, and carried them to the front door before putting them on.
To answer your question, though, I’ve always thought the best way to communicate a shoe rule is to have a designated shoe landing area just inside the door, with the family’s shoes lined up there. But if guests prefer to keep their shoes on, I’d sure let them, with the possible (and unusual) exception of some special carpet circumstance, such as white carpet which has just been cleaned and which sits in a house which is on the market.
I was just thinking about this yesterday, as I wondering once again how to get my parquet floor clean. I’ve never been able to enforce that rule. Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough.
After 22 years in combat books, my boyfriend is embarassed about his knarly feet. He would be mortified if asked to remove his shoes.
Our house is definately a shoes off zone. When I bought the house it came with brand new white carpet and the only way to keep them clean was to insist that everyone leave their shoes at the door. Family is no problem they all just kick off their shoes on the porch or in the garage as they come in without any hesitation. As for guests my regular visiting friends know about the shoes off rule and just add their shoes to our pile. Same goes with my kids friends. If one of my kids has a friend over for the first time they usually see my kids and I taking our shoes off and just follow suit. If we are at home and they get dropped off I just tell them at the door to please take their shoes off.
If someone new is coming over I will let them know ahead of time that shoes are not allowed or just tell them at the door. I have never had anyone come into the house with shoes on and the carpets still look as good as they did when I bought the house.