t-minus July 30, 2007
I guess I am going to get a c-section in a few hours.
It’s after midnight and Jon is sort of asleep on the sofa bed here in our hospital room.
(Jon attempts to rest)
I can no longer feel my contractions since I finally got an epidural three hours ago. I am too anxious to sleep, so I am trying to occupy my mind. All I’ve been able to think about for the past four days, and particularly since Sunday morning, is pain. The epidural has now taken away all the pain, but none of the worry.
Since Thursday, I have done everything I know how to do to get this baby born. Once it became clear we could not stop the contractions, I have focused all my energy on trying to make them productive, to no avail. I have tried walking, bathing, the birthing ball, getting on all fours, rocking, staying in bed, and begging. And finally, drugs. They checked me again just an hour ago and the baby is still high and floating, and I am at the same level of dilation I’ve been at since Thursday.
So I will probably have a c-section at 7:30 am, unless something radically changes before then.
I am really, really anxious. I have never had major surgery. Will it hurt? Will they really tie my hands down? How long will it be until I hold my baby? Will the scar be terribly ugly?
And while baby should be just fine at 36 weeks gestation, it’s earlier than we would have liked, so I am worried about her. And I keep going over and over in my mind what I could have done differently so she and I might not have ended up in this unexpected and scary place.
And I am DAMN tired. This has been an incredibly painful and emotionally draining experience.
Today the children came home from their 2 week vacation with the grandparents. H. chose to stay away from the hospital while I am in labor. He says he will come tomorrow when the baby has actually arrived. But E. and J, plus the cousins, came by to visit today. They got to learn about what contractions are, and how to time them, and that it takes a lot of work to get a baby born. They were fascinated with seeing my belly tighten and hearing me breathe thru the contractions. E. really liked watching the contractions on the fetal monitor and informing me when one was coming and when it was fading. I think he knew I could feel them for myself, (An understatement) but it made him feel useful.
Tomorrow we’ll be a family of SIX!
The scar is tiny. Don’t worry about that. You will only feel pressure from the c-section, not pain. I know you wanted a different birthing experience, butbut your surgery is legitmate. God bless you and your family.
[...] Ms. Katie is about to have a baby. The c-section is not what she planned. [...]
Katie, you rock.
Yes, indeed, Katie rocks!
Best wishes, Katie. I’m sure you’ll be just fine. I had a C-section. I never had any pain or problems at all. I felt great and the baby was and has always been healthy. (Now he’s a sweet, smart teenager.)
I found my way here from Tiny Cat Pants a while ago and wanted to delurk to say hang in there. When I was pregnant two years ago, I did not want a c-section either, I wanted to have a drug-free, natural birth. My son and my body had other plans though and I ended up having a section. My scar is minimal and all I felt during the process was pressure when they were pushing on me to get him out. My advice is take the pain medication they give you afterwards, even if you don’t feel you need it(I didn’t take it one day for a long time and then when I started to feel pain, it took longer for it to pass), and get moving as soon as possible once you get the ok to do so. I have to say, it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it would be and the baby is a good distraction. Take care.
There is nothing you could have done differently. Don’t blame yourself.
Get some friends to bring food and do the housework for a little while. Use your strength to care for yourself and the baby for a little while. It won’t take long to recover IF you put yourself first. They mean it when they say don’t lift anything heavier than the baby until you are completely healed.
Oh gosh, Katie! I’ve been out of town and missed all the excitement. Hang in there! I’m with everyone else, I’m SO sorry you were so frustrated, but its meant to be for Charlotte to have stayed in a little longer. It is happening just as it should. Love to you and yours.
Charlotte will be just fine at 36 wks. She seems to be a fighter like her mom!
Katie,
Your one hell of a woman, and a momma.
Oh Katie, thinking all good things for you and your new baby and wishing you a peaceful birth and recovery! I suppose I should really get that postpartum book in the mail to you…sheesh. Looking forward to an update.
I am thinking about you today. I have been there with c births too and they can be positive even when they are not what you planned for. I can’t wait to see little Charlotte!
I have also had a couple of c-sections. You will do fine. Everyone says this, but it is true–just take it easy the first week or so. I think that is the hardest thing when you have older kids who need attention too. Many happy returns to you and your family.
Hang in there, Katie!
Quick - go to Jon’s Blog for the picture!
both of my girls were born at 36 weeks and my son was even earlier at 32 — all were born by c-section. (after initially laboring with the first two, we discovered via ultrasound that my actual pelvic opening is misshapen and too narrow to fit a bambino’s head! doc told me that it should be about the size of a tea saucer; mine is the size of the space in the center where you set your cup!) so i am truly one of those women who would have died if i had lived in another time — so i am profoundly grateful for the manner in which my gorgeous babies came into this world. i hope that you, too, will come to a place of peace with the outcome of miss charlotte’s birth.
=:o)
with affection.
xoxo
muffy
Congratulations Kate! She’s a cutie.
She is very beautiful. Congrats to all of you!
Oh Katie, what a beautiful precious little girl. Hugs!
katie…
she is just lovely!
blessings,
erika
Wishing you and your family all the happiness your hearts can hold!
Saw the picture on Jon’s site. She is beautiful! Hope you are all doing well.
She’s beautiful!! Congratulations and best wishes to you all!
Katie Charlotte is beautiful! Congratulations to the whole family.
Congratulations! She is a beautiful girl and what a good size for being early.
I’m sorry things did not go as planned. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for grieving the birth you wanted–or for being fine with how things went! Whatever you feel about it is valid.
Leslie
She’s about as perfect a baby as I’ve ever seen.
Katie,
She is pink perfection. The sight of her brings joy to my heart for you and Jon and the children, Charlotte’s sibs.
Welcome to the world, Miss Charlotte.
Good luck getting over your marathon delivery.
Congratulations, mama! I am so happy for you & yr beautiful family!
What a beautiful little girl, congratulations!
What a post. I read Jon’s blog first and saw that little Charlotte is here. Woo!
Congratulations to all.
WOOHOOOOO! I know you are so thrilled and also so very exhausted! Please take some time to allow others to tend to you. You will need your strength, so get some rest and proper nutrition. Ah the smell of a new baby!
Congrats! I loved seeing her picture and her hand cozzy right where it should be. I know it has not been an ideal experience but so many of us have had the unwanted and unexpected c-section. She came out healthy and thats the most important thing. Can wait to hear your thouhts on it all , once you have time to rest.
Oh, bless her heart. And she has hair! Lovely little girl.
I don’t wish to make anything About Me, but you know, seeing your little girl be born safely and healthfully helps me believe in humanity again. I had lost that sense of the miracle that is life when Andy was killed a couple of months ago. Now I see that the circle of life is a wonderful thing, and the world cannot be that bad of a place if a wonderful being like her has graced us with her presence.
Take care of yourself.
–LL
I am thinking of you and your family, sending healthy and positive vibes!!! _+_+_+_+_+_+_
Renee
Congratulations! I’m sorry you had such an opposite experience than you’d hoped and planned for, but I’m glad all is well. There is nothing you could have done differently, don’t blame yourself. Mother Nature has a mind of her own.
I love the picture of you with your little son.The photographer captured all the love and admiration that E has for you in that one sweet,little moment.
Congratulations and God Bless!
Congratulations! She is beautiful and a very good size for 36 weeks!
Congratulations…She is beautiful!! You are blessed indeed! I gave my sister your blog address so that she can be encouraged by your grace and stregth as a mother of 4! She is going to have her 4th in February and she is scared!!
[...] was very, very, VERY TIRED! addthis_url = [...]